Helen Murray | 2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was never my intention to prevent you from knowing about my family (your family)\nbut there\u2019s less draw because my parents are gone.\nIt\u2019s painful.\nIf I knew how I would feel right now I might have made different choices.\n\nThere\u2019s a massive link missing.\n\nMom\u2019s laugh,\nI knew when she was coming.\nWhy does she have to be so loud?\n\u201cYou either love me or you hate me!\u201d\n\nI\u2019ve grown up\nto be my mom a little bit.\nI understand why she was so loud.\n\nI don\u2019t remember cuddling with her\nor having heart to heart conversations with her.\n\nI know she loved me\nshe showed me by making me things.\n\nI wanted to have a close relationship with you.\n\nDad was complicated,\nSome of the more vivid memories I have\nare of him yelling at me\neven being violent.\n\nI know I have a bit of a temper\nI wish I didn\u2019t have that from him.\n\nHe was logical and systematic\nit followed into his personal life.\n\nHe didn\u2019t want me to go away\n\u201cYou\u2019re not gonna move away, are you?\u201d\n\nSometimes he didn\u2019t really know what to do\nbut he tried.\n\nI did not want to talk to them about mistakes.\nThey were not gonna help me feel better.\n\nI\u2019ve moved so far away from who I was when they died\nI think about how they would have felt.\n\nI worry they wouldn\u2019t be proud.\n\nHaving them not be here has freed me\nto make choices that would have been harder\nif they were alive.\n\nI pretend I am looking in the Mirror of Erised\nthey are standing behind me smiling\nIf they were brought back now they would absolutely be proud.\n<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Helen Murray | 2019 It was never my intention to prevent you from knowing about my family (your family) but there\u2019s less draw because my parents are gone. It\u2019s painful. If I knew how I would feel right now I might have made different choices. There\u2019s a massive link missing. continue reading…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[3],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=77"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":78,"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/77\/revisions\/78"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=77"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=77"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hfmurray.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=77"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}